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My real New Year’s Resolution is to blog more. Husband’s is to wear more sweatpants… the love of my life, ladies and gentlemen. sheesh.
I am in a place in my life that I’m not sure I’m prepared for. When you’re a single girl, you have a ton in common with a lot of people; the pool of single people is pretty large. Then, when you’re in a committed relationship, that pool shrinks just a little. You lose a little bit of what you had in common with your single friends. Then you get engaged and married and your pool gets even tinier (particularly when you’re as young as I am). My priorities are completely different from my single friends’ priorities.
Right now, I’m in the married, no kids pool. It’s a pretty great pool, I guess. It’s not a very easy pool for me to be in though. Husband is seven years older than me. Most of his friends have already been married for five or six years. They also have children.
Children are a complete game changer, in many ways. One of the big ways it changes your life comes in how you interact and relate to other people. It becomes a major topic of conversation and the common denominator between you and your friends.
If you don’t have kids, you don’t have that common denominator- meaning, I don’t have that common denominator. I feel like I have a really hard time connecting and relating to people who have kids because I’m not “in the club.”
Anyone else who is “married, no kids” have these same feelings? How do you deal with feeling as though you can’t relate or you’re not a part of the fun?
Hey Crystal, I hear you loud and clear! I have been in that pool for awhile now even though we have only been married for a little over a year, we were commited and living together for the last 6, so we were as good as married anyway. I understand completely where you are at. My husband and I also don't go to bars or clubs, so that shrinks our pool a bit more. We have been really fortunate to find a couple of friends that are also in our pool and we hang out with them quite a bit.
ReplyDeleteIt is rough though. Especially now that we are a little older (28 and 30) and most other couples our age already have kids, are having a kid, or planning on having #2, #3, or even #4! A baby is not in our near future, so I find it really hard to relate to other ladies right now...you never would have thought that marriage can be lonely sometimes. I actually find myself jealous of women who are preggers right now, knowing that it wont be me for awhile. It's hard and I hear ya!
Crystal, this is a really good post. I, of course, am an old married lady with kids. But I remember the four years of marriage in the beginning when we didn't have kids and I was young so I was the only one of my friends that was married. I can remember being so lonely. My thought is that your friends with kids really need a break and you are one of the few people that can give it to them. Not just baby sitting (which is a great gift occasionally), but by just going to their house instead of them having to find a baby sitter all of the time. You can be someone that is more available and easy to talk to. I know that it can be hard, but if you have confidence in who you are and reach out a little I think you'll find that you are a little less lonely (plus you can sleep at night which your friends with kids can't).
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you wrote about this. Not many poeple are talking about it. Thanks! Lisa~