Wednesday, September 1, 2010

It's all about the U!

In honor of the first University of Miami football game tomorrow night, I borrowed this cute little poem-thingy from Miss "All Things Southern and Preppy."  Even though Miami is not in the SEC (fiancé just informed that that the U is in the ACC and then proceeded to list the other schools in the ACC), I think Miami fans still exhibit these characteristics.

Northern vs. Southern Football

Women's Accessories

NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, water proof mascara,and

a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's why we have boyfriends.

Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.


NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

NORTH: Don't care if their daughters know what a football is.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to buy a new outfit for Homecoming each year and marry a football player.

Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.


NORTH: Rudy Guliani

SOUTH: Paul "Bear" Bryant (or in Miami's case, Randy Shannon)

Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus
and purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus, put name on waiting list for tickets, then still have to camp out.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because
they have classes on Friday.

SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the
few hungover students that might actually make it to class.


NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for
game parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for
the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Week of Big Game:
NORTH: Don't even know who they are playing on Saturday.
SOUTH: Make sure clothes are color coordinated, make signs to support the home team, get shakers ready, pray for a victory, and bow down to football players when students see them.

Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV. Wonder why Game Day Live is never broadcast from their campus.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over
to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera, cheer tirelessly, and wave banners.


NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to
local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
accompanied by live performance by "Hootie and the Blowfish," who come
over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. Televisions set up with satellite dishes so that we don’t miss any football games shown before and after ours.

Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the
state's third largest city.


NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on
it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for

When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them
stand up.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary {Male Fan}:

NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch -tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary {Female Fan}:

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."


NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to
the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next
week's game.

The world of college football is terrifically mystical to me.  I attended a women's college, so my college football experiences were limited to powderpuff games during our "homecoming" week.  I am marrying into a family of intense Miami fans, however.  My fiancé's grandfather and uncle both went to the University of Miami, making the school a matter of family pride.  Hopefully, I can figure out the game enough to be a cheerleading wife and NOT look like an ignorant girly-girl (which, let's be truthful, I totally am!)


  1. Hey Crystal...make sure you follow through with your comment you left on House of Smiths Love Stitched Giveaway...

    Crystal said...

    I am now following the Love Stitched Blog!
    August 30, 2010 4:31 PM

    As of right now you are NOT following Brittany's blog.

    thanks :)

  2. Hi Anonymous,

    Sorry about that! I followed the blog on my reader, but I am now also following her on Google Friend Connect. Thanks for letting me know!